Monday, October 3, 2011

I'm a hot mess. *groan*

Well, kiddies, I haven't been here in a while. Did I tell you about my staph infection?

It all started in my finger, with this little blister that I scratched:

and the next morning (no lie!) it looked like this:

Well, ya know, you think, "Hey, that's not so bad?" but it was pretty awful.  Not only did I have to wear a cast-like thing and sling on my arm, for the first week I was not really allowed to move, so I pretty much sat in bed all day with my arm elevated.  Try doing that and taking care of your family.  I was put on two rounds of very strong antibiotics and the next step--if the second round didn't work--was hospitalization.  Nice.

What made it all worse was the drugs I had to take interfered with my Synthroid, so I was unable to take it for almost an entire month--20 days, anyway.  By the end of my treatment, I was completely WORTHLESS--I had no energy and was absolutely miserable.

That was my August.

My September consisted of comforting myself in every way possible.  I stayed away from the gym, got out of my groove with my eating, and shoved every bit of sugar I could in my mouth, working around my band.  I found a way to get past it--all I had to do was drink during my meal and VOILA!  I could really get some serious Macaroni-and-Cheese in my belly.  Drink a little more and I could eat not just one enchilada but TWO--and some chips and queso to boot.

Everything has gone down the toilet for the past two months.  Thankfully I have not gained any weight, but I certainly have not lost, and I've wasted 60 days of my life trying to recapture the eating habits I gave up 7 months ago.  WHY??  I do not know.  Fear?  Of what?  Failure?  Success?  I wish I knew.  I know I need to call my surgeon's office.  I'm scared of that, too, to be perfectly honest.